60 minutes RT - PM
Talk about having reality smack you in the face.... I was just reading my old [and very limited] blog and had a posting there from exactly 2 years ago. I was thrilled to have reached a particular weight. I was thrilled to pass mirrors and not flip out over the 'fat chick in my clothes'. (yea, there was the whole bit about how some bigger girls are quite able to look pretty and well put together, but I'm not one of them, so I'm not hating on larger people, I swear ~ it just doesn't work for me.) And guess what that magic number was? Are you ready?
I'm not telling. What I will say is that it approximately 28 lbs below where I am these days. Unless my brain is fried and I can't do math today, but I don't think that's it. It better not be, as I just closed a multi-million dollar deal and there were calculations involved.
If I were speaking this outloud [to myself] there would be a string of expletives invoked here. Since I'm posting this for anyone and everyone to read, I'm not going there. Just know that I'm highly disgusted that instead of reaching my goal weight shortly thereafter, I'm now heavier than ever.
There's also a bit about the advice I'd give myself on my marriage, if I happened to be a friend of mine. How I cope [or don't] cope with the myriad of routine problems in my life has more to do with the number on the scale than anything else. I'm afraid that if I don't stop stuffing myself with food to avoid the real issues I'll just get bigger and bigger until I explode. I'm afraid that if I do stop stuffing myself with food to avoid the real issues, the emotions will come out and I'll explode. The bottom line is that I'm afraid.
So how do I get beyond this? How do I just suck it up and make it all work as best it can? For starters, I sign off, change into my workout clothes and meet Lisa downstairs for our workout.
The questions I pose aren't just rhetorical. I'm open to hearing/reading any suggestions that may be offered.